Today is a good day for us.
Not so long ago, we were met with the possibility that we could never have our own children. We had been lazily trying for awhile, not too bothered that it wasn’t happening for us. After all, we had been informed by multiple health professionals that falling pregnant doesn’t come quickly, contrary to what most believe. But two years later, here we are, still waiting.
After multiple tests, we soon found that Joy has a condition called Azoospermia. No swimmers coming to the party it would seem! For so long we had been so careful with contraception, so fearful that we would fall pregnant at the drop of a hat. All that effort seemed pointless now.
More tests were needed, said the Consultant, to find out if it is the obstructive or the non obstructive type. At this stage, he told us that there was a possibility that we may not be able to have our own children, even with IVF. So we mentally prepared ourselves for bad news, and bad news did come but not what we expected. A genetic test revealed that Joy is a Cystic Fibrosis carrier and that it could not exclude that he actually had Cystic Fibrosis (CF). A condition I knew nothing of, except that it was bad and associated with poor life expectancy.
Up until this point, I had felt strangely indifferent. I was not upset when the red lady came knocking each month or when we found that Joy was infertile. I felt nothing when faced with the prospect that we may not be able to have our own children. If anything, I felt impatient. Well? Can we have children or not? I’d like to know so that we can move on with life please. But when we found out that Joy was a CF carrier and possibly has CF, I felt a stabbing and overwhelming fear. I didn’t know what it meant to be a carrier and what I did know of CF at the time was not good. I am fine if we can’t have a baby, but I am not fine without Joy. Many friends asked me how Joy was dealing with all of this. Well, during this particular period of stress, he would frequently claim “I have Cystic Fibrosis!” whenever he wanted something. Usually, back scratches or massages would elicit this response. You tell me what you think but personally, I think he was OK.
After many talks with the GP, CF foundation and our Consultant, we were deeply reassured when told by all that if Joy was to have CF, we would have known by now. Panic over.
So it was back to the million dollar question, can we have a baby of our own?
Today, we met with Mr Baghdadi, our Consultant Gynaecologist, to find out the answer to this question. After blood tests, hormone tests and a awkward vag scan, Mr Baghdadi delivered positive news. There is a good chance Joy has swimmers and a good chance I have some eggs hanging about. But most importantly, I am not a CF carrier. Mr Baghdadi explained that it is highly likely that Joy is missing the vas deferens – the tube which transports his swimmers. The next step now, he continued as he turned toward Joy, is for chop chop and he says this while grinning and making slicing motions at Joy. Joy is horrified, I am laughing. Our Consultant is so weird.
There is still a bit to go in this journey, but at least we are going. For the first time, I feel I can chance a tiny slither of hope that we may one day have a baby of our own.